When I pray, I try to think about certain things to keep myself focused on worship and on Allah.

I think of how I was born, how I was created, and how eventually I will pass from this world. I think about everyone I have loved, and everything I have known of life, and I wonder at how limited my human capacity for gratitude must seem in comparison to what I have been given. I think about how God willed me the very strength I use to stand and prostrate myself in prayer.

I was travelling and thought I'd pray on a nice grassy lawn.

I got as far as sujud before realizing that the whole lawn was covered with rabbit poop.

I don't know what the "right" thing is to do in such a situation--I'm sure I can read up on fiqh and fatawi concerning putting your face into a pile of rabbit poop while you're trying to pray--but I immediately stopped praying and said something along the lines of: "Ew... gross... ach...... gross.................... ewwwwww........."

security clearance interview

This was relayed to me by a friend who is a naval aviator (he flies million dollar military planes off aircraft carriers):

Security Clearance Interview:

Naval officer: "... do you know anyone who has spent a significant amount of time in the Middle East."

Friend: "No, sir. Oh, wait. I do know one person. My friend Brian."

Officer: "Where, for how long and what purpose was your friend in the Middle East?"

Friend: "In Palestine, I think, and Cairo, for a year, I don't know what he was doing exactly. Trying to save the world. Something like that."

Officer: "Is this a distant friend of yours?"

Friend: "Aaactually, he's sort of one of my best friends. Also he recently converted to Islam."

Officer: "Is this a joke, lieutenant? You can get in a lot of trouble for lying to me."

Friend: "No... it's not a joke."

allergic to the carpeting I just prayed on. (sneezes)

Serious Thought/Silly Thought

Serious thought:

Sometimes I think, wouldn't it be nice to be one of God's insentient creations? The sky, the sun, the moon, the stones themselves worship and glorify God unthinkingly, they do it naturally with every atom of their being. We on the other hand must struggle and worship as best we can, imperfectly, humanly. Maybe though the greater joy is in making the choice to worship God. I don't know. If I could talk to stones I would ask them if they felt particularly close to God or not--we could compare experiences. I wonder what they would say.

Silly thought:

Laser-sensitive faucets in public restrooms really make Wudu' unnecessarily difficult.

Dear God, Your world is beautiful. I particularly love sunsets, sunrises, the mountains and deserts, the ocean, Autumn and Spring, stormy days, pine forests, grazing deer in open meadows, the moon, the sun, clear starry nights, and the smiles and laughter of little children. Thank you for everything. --Brian

When I first began considering conversion over fifteen months ago, I imagined that I would engage myself in six to twelve months of 'studying' Islam so that I could first become greatly familiar with its doctrines, theology, tenets, history, etc. This cerebral acquisition I deemed a necessary precondition to embracing the religion---how could one declare faith in a religion of which they are yet even partially ignorant? However, much to my surprise, my heart leapt far ahead of my plans and a short three months after I had begun, I felt I had no recourse but to convert almost immediately. I wanted to be Muslim, unquestionably, publicly, officially, and I quickly saw that anything else would merely be an agonizing delay of the inevitable.

Once I took my shahada, I thought that now I would continue moving quickly along and digest all the material I had once thought essential to 'knowing' Islam. I was Muslim, that was clear, and I had just begun to understand what that entailed, so surely these first few months would be filled with rapid and intensive learning.

That is not either how things have turned out. I discovered, much to my surprise, that I needed to take things slowly just when I thought I should be most interested in progressing rapidly. The reason seems to be that there are a great many lessons in Islam, as in many religions I would venture, which the mind can digest almost instantly, but which to be most truly effectuated must be written in the heart and incorporated into the daily mechanics of habit and action. I have some specific things in mind, of course, but mostly what it boils down to is "be a good person". Very challenging.

There has also been the matter of simply believing in God, or Allah. While my innermost nature was elated to find God, the rest of me--my mind, my daily life, the intellectual framework of my vision and the actions directly resulting from that vision--required a much longer period of adjustment. I think for many months, my brain was reeling from all the implications inherent to suddenly, within the span of a summer, admitting to one's self that in my view of the world, God exists and is the Creator of almost everything I have--the possible exceptions being my decisions, and my actions, as a matter of freewill and freedom of choice.

In any case, I will leave it at that, but reflecting on the past year or so since my official conversion, I think despite my instinct to dive headfirst into a pile of books and lofty ideas, perhaps it has proved better that I took things slowly and duly noted the depth and significance of the simpler things which I might otherwise have taken for granted.

are there some sins that can only be absolved by freeing a slave? ... hmm...... if this is true... i'm going to need more slaves. (please forgive my humor if you're descended from slaves)

You know that old song by MC Hammer, "Hammer time"?

When I know it's time to pray, sometimes i sing that song in my head but I replace "hammer" with whatever prayer time it is.

"It's Fajr time! Daa nah na na, na na, na na, Fajr time!"

well, usually less so with fajr time since I don't have the peppiness to think in MC hammer songs at 5:30 in the morning. Maybe Duhr would have been a better example.

strangely, now whenever I facebook with muhajibat friends (this mainly being Lalarukh, since like I've known her forever, but also some others) and my mom walks by, I feel like she feels like I am 'checking out Muslim girls'.

isn't that weird??

maybe it's just my weird guilt complex

I wore my flip-flops to Juma'a at the local masjid. ... someone mistook them for a masjid-owned pair of bathroom flip-flops and wore them to make Wudu'

"Ihsan (meaning perfection, or excellence in worship) means that you should worship God as if you see God, for even if you do not see God, verily God sees you." --From The Hadith of the Angel Gabriel

This is the best argument I have ever seen as to why I should clean my room even though no one but me ever goes in there.

:-)

New roomate, old friend

So I'm living in Davis for three months. My apartmentmate is one Matt Rathbun (see above subject heading).

It's odd with old friends, because although much is the same, obviously some things are not, but more than that, there is an element of uncertainty, the perception or fear of things being different.

Not that this is really a big problem, and generally whatever changes there are in routine, habit or even personality, we just leave unspoken and acclimate.

The other day I was making wudu' (a ritual washing before prayer) in the bathroom sink and matt came in and started talking to me. So he's talking to me, and I'm not done, and for a moment I hesitate and think... maybe I should just wait till he leaves... but then I figure, what's the big deal, so I stick my feet into the sink and start to wash them.

A flicker of surprise and the briefest of pauses, then Matt keeps on talking.

I go pray, etc, and now Matt knows that for whatever reason I occasionally need to stick my feet in the sink before I pray.

This got me thinking... what if I just started doing all sortsa weird stuff. How much of it could I get him to believe is part of Islam.

Like... every time before I pray, I could jump up and down in a circle seven times. Or do yoga stretches. Or... like, immediately after praying I might dash out to the kitchen and frantically cut myself a slice of cheddar cheese and then wave it in the air funnily before eating half then throwing the other half away, all while looking very somber and dignified.

And when people say, "Oh... I didn't know Muslims... did.... that..."
I could say, "Not all of them do." And then look very cross. "Islam's not a monolith you know, there's a lot of diversity."